I dislike sports intensely. I was going to start off by saying that I hate sports, but I think “hate” is more appropriately used for those people, places and things which encroach upon personal freedoms. Fortunately, sports do not.
I must confess that my family was never a big sports family. As far as I know, while I was growing up neither my father nor mother had any interest in any sport. Only in his later years did my father develop an interest in football and even then, only if it was “da Bears.” Somehow my brother wound up in Little League for a couple of years, but that was the limit of his participation in sports (though he did encourage his kids to participate in sports and has retained an interest in watching).
Not growing up in a sports oriented family meant that I was not pressured to participate in school sports. This was a good thing as I never had the urge to do so. In my sophomore year of high school I got interested in golf because one of my friends took up playing and it gave me something to do with him. I was never very good at it and I had little personal motivation to continue to play.
My one short foray into school sports was joining the golf team, only to be told after a couple of weeks that I would never be playing in a tournament because of my lack of experience, whereupon I quit and never looked back, except for taking golf in college as a least objectionable option to fulfill the requirement for physical education. I only attended a couple of classes and yet somehow managed to pass the course. The other course I took to fulfill my physical education requirement? Bowling. Yeah, I’m a real sports kind of guy.
I suppose that there are a lot of guys who feel most at home in a locker room. Stinky, sweaty clothes and bodies, towel snapping and running around naked, the camaraderie of the common experience, the hazing that the big dogs feel obligated to perpetrate upon the little dogs – there is nothing there that holds the slightest appeal to me. I managed to muddle through grade school and high school gym class in the middle of the pack and was content to be there and even more content to be done with it.
So, okay, I don’t like participation. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy watching someone else play a sport, does it? Well, no, it doesn’t, but as a rule, I don’t.
First, most sports are boring. You usually watch for a long time with only minutes of actual excitement. Watching something like baseball is just about the equivalent of watching a pot of water come to a boil. Golf is even worse, but at least the announcers talk quietly enough that you can sleep through a golf match. With football, you waste hours of your life watching only minutes of play spaced out widely between commercials. Basketball at least has pretty constant action, as does hockey, and soccer.
I won’t even honor things like boxing or ultimate fighting by calling them sports. Sure, the participants have to be in good shape physically, but I question the mental condition of anyone who thinks that beating the crap out of another human being can be defined as sport, and that means fans as well as fighters. Perhaps the sports that come closest to having any appeal to me are those that involve individual accomplishment – people competing against their own limits as much as, if not more than, against an opponent. The individual sports in the Olympics come to mind.
To me, the most obnoxious of all sports to watch on television is football. I’m not sure, but it appears that the common requirement for all football announcers is that they must speak at the top of their voices. Yes, I know it’s not golf and they don’t have to worry about disturbing the players, and I know that they are probably trying to inject more excitement into the game than it naturally engenders, but listening to a football game just makes me want to gag the announcers by shoving a sock in it. At the least it makes me turn the volume down to the lowest setting. Better yet, I’ll just leave the room, thank you.
I guess the problem is with me. I have never really liked the effects of an adrenaline rush. I prefer calm and peace over the tension and conflict that is part and parcel of sports. Strident competition has never been my forte. I would rather watch something or do something that challenges my mental abilities than my physical abilities.
“Sports” is big, big business and not about to disappear. There are million of fans who live vicariously through the teams and players they support. Millions of dollars are made in the sports marketplace and it represents a fair chunk of our economy. Players are celebrities, and wealthy ones at that, even if they aren’t all angels.
If you enjoy sports – no problem – to each his/her own. Just don’t ask me to participate. And please, turn the damn volume down.